Monthly Archives: August 2014

Wedding Unplanning: the Next Steps

So what do you do when you know you want to call off your wedding? Well, it depends on how close you are to the wedding, of course! If you’re like me, you already have booked your wedding vendors, you already have purchased your wedding bands, and you already own a house together and share a bank account. So breaking up ain’t easy.

Step 1:  Keep a Roof Over Your Head

For Monsieur P and I, one of the blessings was that we had a 3-bedroom house, and spare bedroom furniture, because we had kept both of our bedroom sets when we moved in together. So after the breakup, we could at least sleep in separate rooms and neither of us was relegated to the couch. But yes, living with someone when you just crushed their world is, you guessed it, preeeeeeeeeeetty awkward. Oh, hey, thanks for ruining my life, are you done in the bathroom yet? Needless to say, I spent as much time as I could with my friends instead of at home in that awkward situation. And actually, even before the breakup I had been feeling pretty uncomfortable when I was at the house, which ruined any positive feelings of home for me. I was anxious to get out and started looking for apartments as soon as I could.

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My baaaaaaaabies that I lost in the breakup, Griffey the cat and Josie the Frenchie. Sorry for the no makeup selfie, but they just look so amused 😉

It took almost 2 weeks to find an apartment, but I was able to sign a lease and get my keys the same day, so I moved into my new apartment just 12 days after the breakup. Now, that wouldn’t always be doable in bigger cities, but I was fairly flexible as fair as what I was willing to pay and what kind of place I was looking for. I ended up with a cute good-sized studio apartment that is so “old Pittsburgh” style (it used to be a hotel), and though my rent is higher than my share of the mortgage, I cut out my commute, so I haven’t had to dip into my savings in order to keep a roof over my head. So what does that mean? Monsieur P could cover the mortgage on his own without my contribution, and the market isn’t great for sellers in our area right now, so he kept the house (we refinanced to take my name off of the mortgage). And with the house, he also kept the dog. My adorable little Josie pup, my Frenchie love, the dog that I pined over for months and jumped through hoops to adopt. Yep, he kept her, he won’t let me see her, and I’m not at all bitter about it. </sarcasm>

Step 2:  Who Keeps the Ring(s)?

In our case, there was no doubt in my mind that I was giving the engagement ring back to him. Some friends told me “oh no, that’s a gift, you should keep it,” but I knew I would never feel right taking the ring. Besides, what do you do with an engagement ring? Keep it and wear it? Of course not. Trade it in/sell it? I wouldn’t feel right doing that. To boot, I work with a number of lawyers, who told me that technically it’s not a gift, per se, and it’s a representation of a promise… a promise which I voluntarily broke. Good enough rationale for me, since I didn’t want to keep it anyway. So that one was easy: Monsieur P gets the engagement ring. As for our wedding bands, well, those were purchased with his line of credit and paid from our joint account, so he took them back to the jeweler as well.  Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.

Continue reading Wedding Unplanning: the Next Steps

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Wedding Un-Planning: So Many Feels

So as I left off with my last post, there’s no wedding on the horizon for me!  So many people were shocked by the news, because on the surface, we seemed normal and happy.  But for me, this was a long time coming.  When I first started questioning my desire to get married, I had doubts.  Oh, so many doubts.  Like Mrs. Woodpecker before me, I didn’t want to be that chick who called off her engagement.  Is there a stigma for that?  I wondered if this was just typical “cold feet” and wedding nerves, and if I was being ridiculous for thinking I might not want to get married.

I had SO. MUCH. GUILT.  If I call off the wedding, we lose money, we lose our collective life together, the house, the pets, the bank account.  I’ll devastate our families and friends, and I’M RUINING SOMEONE’S LIFE.  Not just my own, but Monsieur P’s life.

While I was sorting through all of these emotions, I became so detached and withdrawn from everything.  My work suffered, my relationships suffered, I sat in silence for hours just mulling everything over in my head.  It was like I was in a bubble, totally lost in my thoughts.  I constantly questioned whether I even had the nerve to go through with it either way, to call it off or to make it down the aisle.  More than once I thought “nope, eff it, I’m just getting married.”  Because it was easier that way.  I can’t just go, my cds are in his truck!

A little comedic relief… Continue reading Wedding Un-Planning: So Many Feels

Parisian Wedding: Pass the Macarons

Well friends, I apologize for being MIA for quite awhile now.  These past few months have been a blur, but as things have started to slow down somewhat, I have to come back and make a big announcement.  I, Miss Parisian, am not getting married.  At least not right now, and not at all to Monsieur P.

There were a lot of things that happened, a lot of feelings to be had, a lot of talks that should or shouldn’t have happened.  But the end result is the same — no wedding.  And that’s okay!  Sometimes, some people are just not meant to marry each other.  And some people are better off as friends than a romantic couple.  You can’t fit a square peg into a round hole!  Like some Bees before me (Mrs. Snapdragon and Ms. Fondue, for examples) I’m finding this to be a positive thing, the rainbow after the storm.

Photo from Lamour de Paris

Since we last talked, things got pretty interesting.  I moved out of the house that Monsieur P and I jointly owned, opting to move back into the city from the suburbs.  I’ve been adjusting to living by myself again, for the first time since a brief stint in college sans roommates – and I am loving it!  I’ve been focusing my energy on working and spending time with my friends, cooking and eating healthier foods (except for as many macarons as a girl can eat), and spending time with my kitty babies.  I’m even looking into joining some new extracurricular activities.

and yup, still goofing off with Mrs. Palm Tree!
and yup, still goofing off with Mrs. Palm Tree!

It’s been a crazy ride, but I’m really enjoying life and feeling great about my decision.  I love Monsieur P, and I was (and still am) excited to get married one day.  I just realized that there were some things that I was not willing to accept, and love wouldn’t be enough to make me compromise.  Having those doubts and going forward with the wedding anyway just didn’t seem like a good way to start off a marriage.

So I called it off.  There was a lot of hurt, anger, shock, and the whole spectrum of emotions.  But I’ll save all of that for another post.

Instead of finishing blogging about the wedding, I’m going to fill you in a little bit about the recent goings-on, and how to go about UN-planning a wedding and separating from a significant other.  Why not?  Sometimes these things happen, right?  If I can share my story and help others cope with all of the chaos and stress around a broken engagement, I’ll consider it a success.

Stay tuned, Miss Parisian’s not quite finished yet!