Tag Archives: emotional

Wedding Unplanning: The Wedding That Isn’t

Well, hive.  This is it.  It’s the day that I was supposed to become a Mrs.  The day I was supposed to wear my fabulous Maggie Sottero Bernadette gown, and walk through a beautiful outdoor garden, say some nice things, exchange some shiny new bling, and celebrate with my husband, family, and friends in a warm and rustic park setting.  The day I was planning for over two years.  This was supposed to be the best weekend ever.  The weather is even perfect for an outdoor wedding (always a freaking gamble in Pennsylvania).

I can say with all certainty that when I broke off my engagement to Monsieur P, I did not expect to feel a whole lot this weekend, or leading up to it.  I thought the weekend would come and go like any other, as plans filled in on the days that I had previously left open for wedding festivities.  My bridal shower day came and went, the bachelorette party day came and went, and I expected this weekend to be no different.

But ooooooooooh, it is different.  You see, friends, Miss Parisian is a damn hot emotional mess.  Every post you read where I was wholly keeping it together?  It’s all gone out the window and I’ve been increasingly emotional over the past couple weeks, culminating in “utter trainwreck” territory this week.

I am mourning my wedding that isn’t, and will never be.  I’ve gotten past the thrill of “new” life, and am missing my old life.  I don’t miss Monsieur P in that I want to go back, but I miss parts of our life together.  I miss our inside jokes, shared history, and it pains me to no end to lose family (his) and shared friends.  See what I mean?  Total mess.

I’m sorry that this update is seemingly all sad, but I just want to be honest.  It’s not all sunshine and roses, even when you’re usually a positive person who’s in charge of her emotions.  I’m feeling a little like there’s a dark cloud over my head right now, and I could break down at any moment.  I spent this morning tearing up at my desk when I thought about the alternate story, what I would have been doing today, tonight, tomorrow.

Now, because I’m a silver linings person, I have to say that I’m eternally grateful for the support of friends and family, and of course, all of you.  Thank you all for your kind thoughts, comments, and private messages; I really do appreciate each and every one.  Thank you to my fellow bloggers and especially honeymoon generation Bees for being a sounding board, support, and real-life friends throughout my wedding planning and subsequent un-planning processes. I’m spending this weekend road-tripping with some new friends, and hopefully I will be able to shoo this cloud away, once and for all.

XOXO,

Miss Parisian

Any tips on how to let this wedding sadness go?  Does anyone else have a delayed reaction to grief?

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Wedding Un-Planning: So Many Feels

So as I left off with my last post, there’s no wedding on the horizon for me!  So many people were shocked by the news, because on the surface, we seemed normal and happy.  But for me, this was a long time coming.  When I first started questioning my desire to get married, I had doubts.  Oh, so many doubts.  Like Mrs. Woodpecker before me, I didn’t want to be that chick who called off her engagement.  Is there a stigma for that?  I wondered if this was just typical “cold feet” and wedding nerves, and if I was being ridiculous for thinking I might not want to get married.

I had SO. MUCH. GUILT.  If I call off the wedding, we lose money, we lose our collective life together, the house, the pets, the bank account.  I’ll devastate our families and friends, and I’M RUINING SOMEONE’S LIFE.  Not just my own, but Monsieur P’s life.

While I was sorting through all of these emotions, I became so detached and withdrawn from everything.  My work suffered, my relationships suffered, I sat in silence for hours just mulling everything over in my head.  It was like I was in a bubble, totally lost in my thoughts.  I constantly questioned whether I even had the nerve to go through with it either way, to call it off or to make it down the aisle.  More than once I thought “nope, eff it, I’m just getting married.”  Because it was easier that way.  I can’t just go, my cds are in his truck!

A little comedic relief… Continue reading Wedding Un-Planning: So Many Feels